A letter to McDonalds

Dear McDonalds,

I loved you when I was little. I smiled every time I got a strawberry milkshake and I bothered my mother for happy meals so I could get the Disney toys that came with it. Ronald McDonald kind of creeped me out, but I accepted him simply because I loved you.

I loved the taste and smell of your beautiful, crispy fries... but I didn't realize that it was actually cooked in BEEF fat shortening until this exact moment as I am researching for my university propaganda paper. I loved the jingles on the commercials that constantly stuck in my head throughout elementary school and adolescent dreams. It rang over and over in my head, "badaabababa, i'm lovin it". I loved that I could go through your drive through at any time, even if it was 3 am in the morning. I loved that you were always there to comfort me even if I was driving on an isolated highway to the middle of nowhere. I loved that adding "Mc" to everything made all words sound infinitely more cool- MClovin, MCdreamy etc.

But I didn't love you when you didn't let me order food when I fake drove through in my invisible, fake car. I even fake-rolled down the window and you still didn't accept me. That's just not fair.

What I'm trying to say is our relationship ended a long time ago. I use to Mclove you, but I guess not anymore. I started Mchating you when you started making America and Canada overly obese with your seductive techniques. We grew apart.

it's YOU not me.

I'm sorry.

PS: I can't believe you opened a $40 million HAMBURGER UNIVERSITY in 1983 and didn't tell me. You had classrooms and auditoriums that fit over 750 students. You even had 28 member faculty and 154 room lodging for students to live. Did you really think you could hide all this from me? It's like I don't know you anymore.